The silence between the notes

 As a career educator, and a 1st gen college student who once had very little confidence in my financial literacy or business skills, I'd never have guessed that I'd become a person who studies state budgets, or sends bill commentary to my legislators, or attends meetings in Olympia. But sure enough, that's now my reality. And I'm starting to enjoy it. Why? Because as an educator, I'd experienced so many situations which showed me that school funding and budgeting are at the root of equity--or inequity-- in our education system. And it was disheartening to repeatedly have meaningful conversations with my colleagues then feel like we weren't being heard by the many many people guiding that education system. As an educator, I was often unsure of which decision makers to reach, or how to get our point across. Education might be a bipartisan topic overall, but in order to effect change, we have to learn how to navigate the political landscape, and the field of educ...

 I wish I'd found the garden before my first failed test,  my first lost love, my first lost job,  my first loss of self, my first loss of faith, my first loss of hope. In a garden, every season has its own journey of hope and growth and death and faith. And we never know exactly what it might become until it has already been. Sometimes, after winter, a dry brown stalk seems a loss then Hope says to wait  for growth below the snow. Sometimes, the sun scorches the blossoms before they've bloomed but roots remain to try again in the fall when Death begins to declare the rest. Sometimes, seeds scatter through the soil, under cover of dead leaves and stalks until the spring when life begins again. Sometimes, we forget that Life was there all along. Just unseen. In a different form,  on a different Journey, to create a new garden that has never yet been. The stalk had died but did not fail to survive; it succeeded at protecting unseen life. The roots were buried but ...

Even after the rain, With plants that were never meant  For bouquets, We can find beauty. Sort of like in life, In times that we never imagined  We would face, Growth can be beautiful. So maybe beauty comes less  From sweet fragrance  Or visual charm.  Maybe it comes more  From the way  We grow with the weeds  And the rain. *I shared a version of this to a private page on May 27,  and today I decided I wanted to include it in this “collection” on my blog.

The last few years have been so filled with personal losses and challenges that I still can’t even begin to write about them. To be honest, I don’t know if I even want to try. I’m definitely feeling stronger and more clear on my future direction lately though, and that is due in large part to the respite I’ve experienced through variety of artistic mediums over these many months.  I’ve done a great amount of soul searching, reading, listening, watching, making, growing, and resting… or at least learning to rest… and I’ve started to make peace with removing the “should” expectations that I usually place on myself. Slowly but surely, I’ve been increasing my socializing, fitness, and productivity, but in small increments that truly feel right rather than through my previously hyperproductive habits.  This past weekend, I hosted an event for a nonprofit, and afterward I enjoyed a thoughtful conversation with several local artists. It was wonderful to see inside their journey, and ...

Although this is a tough topic for summer reading, I’m really glad to see  this article is tackling it. It’s no secret that student behaviors have become more noticeably challenging in the last two years, but a lot of people still don’t appreciate just how difficult it really is to manage a classroom full of students these days. Mind you, we’re not even diving into the increasingly common crisis of mass violence in schools, just the regular old non-deadly challenges that teachers handle in a typical week. This article has great insights for teachers AND non-teachers so I hope you’ll read it when you’ve finished with this prologue of mine. Maintaining a productive, healthy learning environment is SO MUCH MORE COMPLICATED than many people realize. Contrary to what I’ve heard non-teachers advise, we can’t just tell students to be respectful of each other, because all their homes define respect differently; and we shouldn’t try to scare students into working silently all day because t...

 Trigger warning: Hot button topic ahead. I’m looking for insights and solutions, not complaints. Goodness knows our world has plenty of criticisms right now, so let’s focus on insights and solutions here! 🤍 ——————————————————— I have worked in education for over 20 years. Clarification— I have OVERWORKED myself in education for 20 years. For the first decade, I really thought that’s what I needed to do. I thought that’s what my students needed me to do. Then after years of hard work, constant self-evaluation, additional degrees, and endless professional development goals… my family experienced several traumatic situations, and I realized I couldn’t actually do it all. I couldn’t be there for my students 60 hours a week while caring for my family 60 hours a week too. (And I certainly hadn’t even considered if I should be taking care of myself at any point.)  When I began mentoring incoming teachers at the university, I made it a priority to teach my candidates that they shoul...

Full disclosure: Teaching is HARD! Online teaching is somehow even harder! Teaching online (and/or hybrid) in the middle of ever-changing social situations and a pandemic is UNREALISTICALLY HARD! I usually take pride in my ability to differentiate for students’ various needs but with online learning, that’s basically become one of my main job requirements! There’s no time left in the day to grade—just barely enough time to respond to the individual messages and try to plan their supports/modifications/extra meetings. Some days, my eyes are dry and burning and my heart is broken by student stories even before 10AM. On those days, I practically give up all hope of grading because it takes every ounce of professionalism to stay strong through my next 6 hours of Zoom meetings. And by the way, that is in no way a complaint! I sincerely value the fact that students are willing to reach out, and I value the fact that my job allows me to support them in different ways. I have seen programs w...

Last month, I attended a virtual meeting with a nonprofit organization called Stand for Children and I asked if they knew how to help with some of the technological needs that I have observed in my recent classroom observations. Last weekend, I received an email from them inviting me to share my testimony at the upcoming House Education Committee meeting . Sadly, the bill on Digital Equity on was then removed from the agenda. Surprisingly, the bill then was moved back onto the agenda early this morning! Between my regularly scheduled work meetings, I logged on and listened to other speakers who were sharing their testimonies in support of or opposition to the bill. Although there was no more time allowed for new speakers, there was still time to submit my written testimony before the meeting ended. So with fueled by a sudden rush of adrenaline and coffee, I typed up my testimony as quickly as my shaky hands could handle. I don’t think I have ever been so grateful to have the speedy sk...

Uncertainty, patience, trust. Probably my least favorite words from 2020. And we're likely to face them ALL again tomorrow...and the next day...and so many “next” days... I have vague memories of the hanging chad controversy from the 2000 election, but until I saw the video below, I didn’t realize it dragged on for 36 days without an official result! Friends who were more of an adult than I was back then, did that waiting period have the same sense of distrust and angst that I sense coming with this one?! I get that it’s hard to be patient in the face of such uncertainty, and I think 2020 has hit us all with enough uncertainty and upheaval to last a lifetime! But I’m legitimately worried that America won’t be able to handle what comes next. It feels like so many people are ready to burst, no matter what the result is, no matter how quickly we get a result, or how long it takes to thoroughly confirm a result. So we can’t fully trust the system to provide certainty? Ok, then it...

 Unlike most "first day" of school experiences, today was a rather anticlimactic first day for me. And when I think about how completely chaotic and unnerving the last 6 months of 2020 have been...I'm quite content with this pleasant, low key day!  When my work day ended, I started to write down some Monday Motivation tips for myself and for some teacher friends who follow me on facebook, then I realized this list might also be helpful for others embarking on an on-line or hybrid school experience this year. So whether you're a teacher, a student, a parent who is now doubling as an at-home tutor or full-on homeschool teacher, or a school counselor or secretary or administrator who is trying to administer things remotely, I hope you find some encouragement (and dare I say, Monday Motivation) in this list! Motivation for Maximizing your On-line Learning Experience this Fall:  It’s easier to focus on the complaints than it is to find the blessings. (The sleepy complaint ...

As more and more STATES and SCHOOL DISTRICTS are releasing their plans for how their schooling will happen in the fall, I’m seeing more and more anxiety and frustration from people’s responses. Friends, please remember there are NO EASY, OBVIOUS ANSWERS, because no matter how obvious one viewpoint might seem to YOU, we have millions of families coming from various experiences across the country and they all have different concerns. I really don't think a singular solution exists, so the most important contribution I can offer in this conversation is my wider perspective. I’ve been a teacher for about 20 years, and a teacher of incoming teachers for 5. I have worked in or alongside approximately 60 schools throughout Washington State. I love my students and their families and my coworkers very much and I wish we could find some magical answer that would fix this situation we’re in. But honestly, I'm still torn about what I wish for the 2020-2021 school year. I’m worried...

Like many teachers who have moved to an online format in the last few weeks, I’ve found myself in days of back-to-back Zoom meetings , and I’ve lost track of how many hours I’ve had to squint through my aching eyes at all my multitasking screens . On the bright side, I’ve found inspiration and creativity in imagining my classes and student interactions in new ways. But on the painfully bright side, these screens really do hurt after a while! So I’m going to keep this list of tips short and simple…because I want to go close my eyes and I’m betting you do too! To combat your increased time with online teaching and conferencing: 1)       Schedule breaks between your meetings. Over the course of a day, a few 15 minute breaks can make a big difference in your physical and mental endurance! As teachers, we’re not used to taking short breaks but this is a necessary shift now that you’re homebound! Stand and walk around your house, open your posture, stretch yo...

With the ever-tightening quarantine measures being taken during the COVID-19 pandemic, it seems like I no longer have the excuse of being too busy to write.   In fact, since  I’m working more hours from home, I’m being more intentional about switching from work to play time!  So for a creative outlet, I decided to create a challenge for all of my artsy friends who are also stuck at home! The first part of this project came to me when I was listening to a Paramore song which says ”We’re all alone now. I need something to sing about.” And I realized that future generations will probably interpret those words differently than the original context...before we'd all experienced large scale Social Distancing. As a former teacher of poetry and music, that made me want to start investigating other songs that will probably be interpreted differently during this isolation... or after this apocalyptic season (hopefully) ends!   The second part of the project came ...

  I'm an incredibly private person when it comes to my inner questions and fears and ideals. I've only ever shared those with a short list of individual confidants. Although I doubt that most people in my world really realize that there's so much they don't know about me...because I'm also an unusually philosophical and reflective person, and I DO SHARE those reflections sincerely and authentically with my friends/coworkers/etc. when I feel it's important to our purpose or our working relationship. But it's also likely that there are more sensitive, even controversial topics hidden deep below the surface of what I'm comfortable sharing...Until someone manages to open the floodgates and establish themselves as trustworthy enough to handle the rest...then since all of my ideas somehow relate to one another, I can't seem to stop until I explain all of them at once to the poor unsuspecting soul who offered to listen for the first few minutes. ...

I haven’t posted any of my writings in nearly a year because I haven’t felt like I had time to revise and edit and do them justice. But today’s funny little post is funny…and little…and time sensitive to today’s date, so I figured I might as well get it up here either way.  By now, you probably know that crazy dreams are a nightly adventure for me. Well, amidst last night’s nightmares, there was one quirky plot that actually turned out to be surprisingly thought provoking.   It started out with an unlikely family trip—me, my sisters Megan and Kasey (who lives in DC), and my parents (who really don’t “take trips” anymore)—somewhere in a far off campsite or recreational area of Washington.   Four of us had been ready to leave for a few hours but Megan had supposedly been hanging out by herself for a while and wasn’t answering her phone. We were getting sunburned and cranky while waiting for her to come back so I went to track her down. Turns out, among othe...

Finally! Six days into “vacation”, and I finally accomplished a “morning off!” I  slept in, stayed in my pjs, and curled up with my coffee, kitty, puppy, and book just because I wanted to! In fact I just noticed that it’s almost 1PM and wondered if I should feel bad that I wasted my morning... On the other hand, my sisters would be proud that I'm finally sitting down with a book! They often made fun of me as being the English teacher who doesn't read. In my 13 years as an English teacher, I read PLENTY though! It's just that instead of the publications most of you were reading, I usually read journals, essays, and graphic organizers from 17 year olds. I don’t turn off my work mode easily; I usually keep working or at least thinking about work for days after the calendar says I’m off work. Truth be told, I still sent a handful of emails this morning before I started my book, because I knew those work-related conversations needed to move forward before next week. But I se...