The silence between the notes

 Trigger warning: Hot button topic ahead. I’m looking for insights and solutions, not complaints. Goodness knows our world has plenty of criticisms right now, so let’s focus on insights and solutions here! 🤍 ——————————————————— I have worked in education for over 20 years. Clarification— I have OVERWORKED myself in education for 20 years. For the first decade, I really thought that’s what I needed to do. I thought that’s what my students needed me to do. Then after years of hard work, constant self-evaluation, additional degrees, and endless professional development goals… my family experienced several traumatic situations, and I realized I couldn’t actually do it all. I couldn’t be there for my students 60 hours a week while caring for my family 60 hours a week too. (And I certainly hadn’t even considered if I should be taking care of myself at any point.)  When I began mentoring incoming teachers at the university, I made it a priority to teach my candidates that they shoul...

Full disclosure: Teaching is HARD! Online teaching is somehow even harder! Teaching online (and/or hybrid) in the middle of ever-changing social situations and a pandemic is UNREALISTICALLY HARD! I usually take pride in my ability to differentiate for students’ various needs but with online learning, that’s basically become one of my main job requirements! There’s no time left in the day to grade—just barely enough time to respond to the individual messages and try to plan their supports/modifications/extra meetings. Some days, my eyes are dry and burning and my heart is broken by student stories even before 10AM. On those days, I practically give up all hope of grading because it takes every ounce of professionalism to stay strong through my next 6 hours of Zoom meetings. And by the way, that is in no way a complaint! I sincerely value the fact that students are willing to reach out, and I value the fact that my job allows me to support them in different ways. I have seen programs w...

In my 15+ years as a teacher, I've never seen such fear for physical and emotional security as what I've seen this year ...and I’ve struggled to find the words to talk about it but I think it’s important that I try to share. In addition to the social-emotional support that teachers offer in an average year, I’ve had to council my high school and university students after 3 separate shootings that have forever changed the way they’ll view their world ; In the last month, I’ve also tried to support them through 2 threats that they suspected were aimed at our own high school. The last 1 was the day my dance team left for the State Championships and it was a frightening whirlwind of emotions for everyone. My main solace was getting on a bus with my students and driving away from the situation, but my students and I continued to worry about our school for the rest of the day. Although I’m glad my students all know that our dance class is a safe place, and that they get the cha...

Here I am again, after months of writing things and not posting them. I have in fact had a lot on my mind. (Those of you who know me personally are not at all shocked, I'm sure, but maybe someone out there doesn't yet realize that, so I felt it was fair to say.) But my whole life, I've done this thing where I have too much to say so I say nothing for a while while it bubbles up inside...then I try saying something and it all comes whipping out like a hurricane of nonsense...so then I go back to bottling it up and stating my need for "processing time." Guess that's what's been happening with my sporadic posting for the last few years too. Who would have guessed? Then there's this other thing I do when I don't know what to say--I obsess over a song, poem, essay, etc. in which someone else said what I couldn't. So to that end, I'm directing you to a few two articles by a cause that I admire very much: To Write Love on Her Arms. If you haven...

I was trying to catch up on email during a coffee break, but I got distracted by the two gentlemen in their 60s-70s who were talking at the next table.  The younger one was answering questions about how people can have so many opinions about President Trump all the time. The gist of his answer: Trump writes short notes on electronic media and shares them with anyone who has a computer via a place called Twitter. So people aren't just responding to his policies or his recent military actions; they're also interacting with these notes, which at times are actually quite brash or vulgar.  Both men continued evaluating the pros and cons of various ideas, asking sincere questions and giving thoughtful answers, comparing recent events with past wartime experiences, and maintaining a perfectly relaxing conversational tone.  Their conversation was so completely opposite of the hype and drama we've become used to on social media lately. It made me wonder how many of to...

I haven't written anything here in a long time. Well, I haven't *finalized* anything here in a long time anyway.  I have plenty of half-drafts tucked away behind the scenes. But I haven't had enough time to fully explain and revise anything lately...And honestly, it seems like I haven't had enough time to accomplish anything in life up to my standards lately, so writing something here certainly wasn't a priority.  But today, I heard a message that was so short and simple that I knew I had time to reiterate it. And more importantly, I knew I *needed* to share it. If any of you are wrestling with these same struggles lately, I hope this 5 minute post will uplift and redirect you (as it hopefully will do for me too)!  *********************************** Many of us have figured out how to live successfully behind the facade of "I'm all good, I've got it all figured out." But this is a terribly stressful way to live, and it still does...

Contrary to popular belief, maybe we should NOT always follow our heart. The heart is unreliable and can even be manipulated by others. These unreliable emotions are what leave us exhausted, frustrated, doubtful, hopeless, and lacking focus.  God wants us to be more emotionally attached to him than to any other person (or circumstance), and that is how we can find emotional stability and health. We must be honest with what we feel, challenge it, and change it. We don't have to automatically accept our feelings--good or bad. We can take control of them.  Above all else, guard your heart because out of it flow all the issues of your life. (Prov. 4:23) Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matt. 11:28) So who or what am I more emotionally attached to?? Wow...Where do I even begin? 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=99-gFt4GEiA  If you want a glimpse into living with nightmares, pick just a few sections to preview then simply move on to whatever video pops up next. Fairly unsettling but not so bad every once in a while.  If you want to understand what it's like to experience this every night, then watch the whole thing and sit silently for a few minutes trying to "process it" afterward. Harder to handle when it's that complex, detailed, and dark all night, all week long.  If you just want a good laugh, have me over before you watch it and I'll narrate the whole thing for you...Presto horreur comique! (Humor is a good  coping mechanism, right??) P.S. Remember, the early 1900s weren't as "wholesome" as some people might have us think! This is pretty darn twisted at times...

It was an honor being asked to present at the 2016 Celebration of Talent conference , and I spent weeks figuring how to teach teachers about supporting highly capable students in high school.  Then I realized that the best thing I could do is share the stories of students--straight from their own mouths (or word documents)! I reached out to a handful of young adults from throughout Washington State, asked them 4 important questions, then compiled some of their most poignant answers. The following presentation includes insights from 14 respondents with a WIDE variety of high school experiences. I hope you'll review these answers with an open mind. And I invite you to share them with teachers, students, and even parents who could benefit by a more thorough understanding of how to support today's gifted students. Hi-Cap in High School:  https://youtu.be/0Kq9_ftAguo Since the slides have been converted to a video, you'll probably want to pause to give yourself...

Poems are a lot like dreams. No.  Poems are a lot like nightmares.  Until you've been broken by one,  You'll never understand how deeply  It can sting, burn, and glow.  And you'll never understand the scars left behind By nightmares and poems.  Beautifully unique scars.  Uniquely hideous scars.  Nightmares are like poems.  For a time, you live inside them, Surrounded by their reality, For better or for worse, Fighting against the sting, Or giving into the burn, Or basking in the glow Of their truths. And their lies.  Until you wake up one day and realize  No one else sees them, or cares.  Nightmares are a lot like poems.  When it's too dark to find your way out. 

One month after my sleep study and here's what I've learned: Sleep really is about quality not quantity!  If YOU also struggle with a potential sleep disorder, I strongly encourage you to ask your doctor about a sleep study. Yes, it's almost impossible to get a "normal" night's sleep with all those wires pasted to your body, but the doctors are still able to interpret the results in a way that sheds light on your situation. So far, here are the most important things I've learned about my sleep struggles: 1) I wake up about every 2.5 minutes, or over 130 times in a 5 hour sleep. Even though most of these are for less than 15 seconds at a time, that's still enough disruption to keep my body from actually resting and healing like it should.   2) I reach REM sleep about 30 minutes later than most people, and then my nightmares begin. About 4 times per night.  3)  Alpha wave intrusion also means my brain starts acting like it's awake when...

Since my new job involves a LOT of driving, I've recently found myself reflecting on the strangely satisfying things that happen when you spend too much time in the car.  1) When the tempo of the song lines up with the tempo of your turn signal.  2) When the guy who cut you off a mile ago gets stuck in a slow lane and you casually pass him by.  3) When two or three cars pull out of adjacent streets or parking lots at the exact same moment. (Like in a spy movie!) 4) Trying out a hidden back road or shortcut...and making it out alive! 5) Finally knowing a new route well enough that you don't need to use MapQuest anymore.  6) Actually taking a moment (or twenty) to notice the changing autumn landscape as you drive by.  7) A great excuse to try lots of different restaurants and coffee stands as you drive between locations.  8) Getting to say "yeah, I've been there" when someone mentions an obscure location.  9) When you park at your destination and the son...

Education in America today is full of paradoxes: some are challenging and a bit disheartening; some are amusing and kind of exciting. So when someone recently asked what advice I would give to a brand new teacher, I automatically started thinking about how to use these paradoxes to our advantage! I tried to keep the list to five but teaching is incredibly multi-faceted, so I could only manage to stop at five if I added two bonus tips. I think they're worth the extra 10 seconds of reading though!  1) Plan the long term goals before you organize the daily details, but stay flexible enough to change those plans if one or more students suddenly need something different.  2) Prepare so you'll have answers for all the random questions you might be asked in class, but be honest enough to say when you don't know an answer. (Then go home and find the answer for the next day!) 3) Speak firmly and naturally, but not until students have given you their attention. (Firm and natural eye ...

Five suicides in the last six months, 2 of them from the school where I teach. Another from the university where I am an adjunct. I still don't know if I can find the right words to express my personal feelings or my deep condolences after these tragedies but this article convinced me that I must at least say something.  http://m.spokesman.com/stories/2015/may/12/five-teen-suicides-have-left-whole-community/ In addition to summarizing this tragic year, the article states that " Suicide is part of the culture our kids are growing up in" and that  recent suicide prevention sessions have found that adults aren't comfortable discussing suicide. I'll admit I'm not comfortable right now...but i f we don't break through our comfort zones to discuss it, then who's going to help our students through it? And let's not kid ourselves, depression and suicide plague many adults too.  Who's going to help our adult friends through it when their adolescent nigh...

First of all, do you really want to?  I mean actually, truly, REALLY want to? Plenty of students SAY they want to join a morning dance team, a 7AM weights class, a zero hour band; and plenty of adults SAY they want to start exercising before work each day. But if you don't really want it, deep down, then there's no magical inspirational talk or organizational guide that will help you follow through with it.  On the other hand, if you truly want to dance, lift, play, or run, there's no snooze button, sleep mask, or other stock excuse that will stop you!  So let's assume you are committed to starting and I'll give you some tips to help you transition through your early morning adjustment!  Over the last 20ish years, I've found myself in a surprisingly large variety of 6AM activities, and these are the methods that have helped me keep up with what others might call madness.  1) Buddy up! Find a friend who has the same interest or goal and decide to tackle this chan...

I recently realized that it has been almost 4 months since I posted anything to this blog and to be honest, I was pretty disappointed in that. But  while deleting outdated memos from my cell phone, I discovered about a dozen pieces that I had typed but never posted. Apparently, I never made the time to revise them to the point where I felt comfortable sharing them. So in a last ditch effort to delay the still imminent return from winter break, I decided to revise and share a few of them today.  Although the next five posts all say they were were written today (and with an impressive 35 minutes between them), they were all written in the fall of last year (and over the less impressive span of a few months).

It's a blessing and a curse, really. Starting a new job every single year.  It means a blank slate, a chance to try new methods, to work with new people, to reach new goals. It also means having to rebuild your protocols, your reputation, your curriculum, your timeline, your relationships, your comfort zone. All the excitement and anxiety of starting a brand new job--This hits me every fall as I step back into my familiar yet unpredictable classroom.  I remember the kids that reached their goals and the kids that inspired  me the year before, and I sigh a little because I wish I didn't have to change students again this year. And I remember the kids who didn't reach their goals and those who wore me down, and I wonder, "what if this year's even harder?" I wonder what goals my students will actually reach this year, if we will go deeper or farther than my classes had before, or if this will be the year we don't really succeed. I connect the targets, strateg...

Sometimes sleep isn't just a euphemism.  To sleep, perchance to dream? For in that sleep of death,  what dreams may come? Not the death of a body,  just a day that needs to die.  It used to be a sweet escape,  a peaceful place to hide.  But when daylight nightmares invade your dreams,  where can you escape? I used to dream in nightmares;  Now I dream in days.  If only I could wake  and cease to be afraid...

"If so and so jumped off a bridge,  would you?" "It's called a leap of faith.  You just have to jump." Standing on the ledge.  Heart beating out my chest. Messages mixed and nowhere to go.  I give in, give up, take the risk. Fear, destruction, delivery. Falling, rushing, zooming Toward me, to me, through me. Snap.  Pull.  Reverse.  Delivery, distraction, denial. Slipping, shrinking, gone.  Some tell you not to jump.  Some tell you to jump and believe.  But what happens when you jump  and you believe  and you still end up  back where you started? 

Sugar-free skinny vanilla latte and a bagel with cream cheese. It's quick and delicious. Unfortunately, it's also expensive. And full of gluten, lactose, and sugar. And devoid of almost any nutritional value. So I guess I should be grateful that discovering my allergy forced me to overhaul my morning routine.  When I first went gluten-free, I relied almost entirely on packaged breakfast bars with "gluten-free" on their labels. There are several decent brands, and I'd be happy to give some suggestions if anyone wants that, but eventually I grew tired of them, and I began to wonder if there was a more nutritional and cost-effective way to begin my morning. Since I also need to avoid dairy, and since I usually wake up around 5AM, I originally struggled to find something quick and easy to start my day. But I finally have a method that works for me and I wanted to share in case it helps anyone else.  Every few weeks, I buy several of these foods, and prepare them on th...