Awkward. I just can't find any other way to begin a post about weight gain. For many people, it's uncomfortable enough to deal with silently but it can be downright embarrassing when someone else comments on it. There's so much speculation and judgement surrounding weight and appearance these days. Either someone has gained too much or lost too much or worried too much about it or criticized others too much for it. It's just awkward and although I've had LOTS of inner conversations about my recent weight gain, this is the first time I've had anything figured out well enough to write about it.
You see, the only thing I don't really love about my new job is that I spend so much time driving from school to school--Since August, I've basically been in a sedintary job, and judging my the rate at which I've outgrown my wardrobe, the rest of my lifestyle doesn't work too well with a sedintary job. At first it wasn't so bad: I had a new job and a new paycheck, so why shouldn't I invest in some new clothes? And so what if a few of the new pieces were a size bigger than I wore before?
But today I tried on a new spring dress...and I was pretty disappointed with what I saw. Lord only knows what possessed me to follow that up by trying on a swimsuit!! Maybe my subconscious was trying to make me see what I didn't want to face?! Either way, I walked out of that store empty handed but full of determination: It's time to balance out my lifestyle and get back into the healthier sizes that are now stored in my basement.
Don't get me wrong, for the first time in forever I'm not doubting myself as a result of this awkward topic. It's as if some magical force has allowed me to separate my physical appearance from the happiness I feel about my job, my family, my friends, my life in general. It's just interesting that it's this same compartmentalization that's inspiring me to change myself.
That's where my friends come in though: I've loved getting to spend more time with you this last year and I'd like to keep doing that, just preferably with some healthier activities in the mix! I'm not talking about gym memberships or marathon training, not at least until more of my workout clothes fit again! Just something other than our usual coffee/dinner/conversation. If you want to try a new yoga studio, I'll be there. If you want to go for a walk in the rain, I'll head your way! If you want to take your dog or toddler to the park, I'll help you carry their gear. If you want to try out a trampoline park or go cart racing, I'm your girl! But I will NOT go swimsuit shopping with you ;)
Until then, here's to facing the awkward in life! [Raises glass of lemon water... Cheers!]
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