Monday, August 27, 2012

When you just can't find the words

It might seem improbable that an English teacher would ever be at a loss for words.  But it happens more often than you might think.  When I'm so proud of my kiddos that I find myself repeating the same compliment over and over.  When I'm so nervous about an unpredictable event that I just speak in broken phrases with no apparent syntactical connection.  And when I'm so brokenhearted that I just don't know how to begin.

Since my spoken words are failing me right now, I'll try to write.  Sadly, I don't turn to prayer or scripture as easily as I should in these moments of silence.  Most often, I just sort of swim in my own thoughts for a while--pondering the "he said...she said...what if...then that..." possibilities a dozen more times.  But even in stunned silence, I still trust that I can find an opportunity to grow, so I am trying to turn to prayer more wholeheartedly tonight.  And ironically, I find that even my prayers are sort of lacking words right now.  All I can come up with is this:
Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self-control
Galatians 5:22

I guess this is a pretty good list to be stuck on.  I'll pray that I handle this situation with love, and that others will too, and that people might benefit from an environment that treats everyone in a better way.  I'll pray that the result of this situation will lead to joy for everyone involved, not just convenience or a temporary solution, but a chance to actually pursue joy.  I'll pray that I find peace in the midst of the turmoil, and that any decisions result in peace for everyone involved.  And I think that's as far as I will go for now.  I shouldn't rush through these; love, joy, and peace are powerful words to dwell on.  Just one more way that I can see--at least a little--encouragement in "the silence between the notes."

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