Friday, October 23, 2009

Out of Context? Or Out of Line?

Despite some very insightful discussions with my seniors and a rather productive choreography session with my dance team officers, my day also produced some very unusual and alarming statements. How did this happen to me all in one day?

1. A text message with choreography notes from one of my officers: "The first part of the song is at 0:36 but that has making love to something innocent so we'll have to edit."
2. After apparently observing my facial expressions for several days, an officer said, "You always stick your tongue out when you get excited. You do it when you're teaching too." Her re-enactments followed. Seriously???
3. After teasing about my tongue/facial expressions and how I sometimes say :P when texting, that same student joked, "Mrs. Hein, why do you keep licking me?"
4. When trying to recall a new dance move, one of my choreographers asked, "We stepped on the waitress, right?"
5. A joke told by a senior at the start of class: "Why couldn't the ghost have babies? Because he had Hollow Weenies." Another student's response: "He had more than one?"
6. While concentrating, a student began making swishy noises with her mouth. For some reason, I told her, "You sound like a LISTERINE® commercial."
7. While telling of a prank he played on a girl at lunch, a student nervously proclaimed, "I didn't know if I should smack that." (Get on the floor...Smack that...Just for you, M/J/K/J!)
8. When my captain realized she'd said something the same way I would have, she announced, "You know, Mrs. Hein, you and I are really twins. Only with a 20 or 40 year difference." Wow, thanks!
9. That same captain later said, "You know what I always want to call you, Hein? 'Heineken.' But since you won't tell us your age, there's a chance you might be underage and wouldn't know that's an alcohol." Yeah, because the other option is that I'm still 18?
And the winner is...
10. A complete misuse of the homophone "but/butt" following my mini-lesson on appropriate use of commas and conjunctions! A student returned from lunch and recorded the following on the whiteboard: "I want to purchase this butt... said by Mrs. Hein at 10:45AM." Then he acted surprised to see it there and asked, "Whose butt do you want to buy?"

You know, in the last few years I've learned to enjoy a more relaxed classroom atmosphere with my students. But this is not what I had in mind! Man, am I glad it's Friday!


Monday, October 5, 2009

Taking one for the team!

I've already admitted my own impatience but there is a time and a place, people! On my way back from Bellevue this weekend, signs started directing cars to prepare for the upcoming construction by merging into a single lane. About a mile after people started merging, I became frustrated that the second lane was still open and people were still zipping past those who were respecting the merge. After at least 2 dozen cheaters blazed by, my co-pilot gave me a brilliant suggestion: we could take one for the team.

So taking advantage of my new dominance as a BadAss SUV driver, I pulled my bright red Equinox in front of the cheaters and slowed back down to 10 mph. The Honda next to me nodded and kept a space open for my return as I drove the next mile in front of all the would-be speeders! I laughed aloud as one by one the speedsters zipped up to me then resigned themselves back to the slow lane. Only once did a selfish little sports car have the nerve to pass me on the shoulder; everyone else was forced to suffer their own impatience with the rest of us.

The moral of my story: controlling the impatience of others is apparently entertaining enough to settle my own need for speed. Oh, and protecting the integrity of the merge makes me feel like I've somewhat compensated for polluting our environment with my new SUV.