The silence between the notes

In other days

2012-01-13T18:07:00.001-08:00

In other days, it was a softer fall.
Rustling, slipping, drifting
From branch to earth.
It was a peaceful fall,
A gentle death.
Comforted by the soil
Which had nourished them
Through roots and branches.

But now?
Do they know?
Do they see what some will meet?
The hard-formed ground that was not made for them.
The grey. The black. The white.
The dirt which cannot nourish
Or cradle them as they fade.
Do they feel what this day brings?
Do they long for other days?

What I Learned from My Burglars

2012-01-01T14:42:00.000-08:00

The day after my last blog, I came home to the tail end of a burglary. I've thought about blogging once or twice since then but the only topic I could really focus on was the irony of being robbed 24 hours after writing about being so sensitive. As I sit here on New Years day, I'm realizing that I have learned a lot from these burglars.

A housefull of policemen might feel like CSI, but it's not as much fun when it's real.
After a burglary, you become supremely aware of everyone who drives too slowly past your house.
Guilt is a surprising emotion. Somehow I still feel guilty for "losing" some of my special jewelry.
Thieves take more than your possessions; they can also take your security and ability to sleep at night.
Even if you think a room wasn't entered, search it anyway. They probably entered it just long enough to find your video camera and social security card.
My sketching skills are not good at all! And I cannot remember how to draw all the jewelry that was stolen.
Take pictures of your home before anything like this happens! The after photos aren't nearly as helpful.
I'm grateful for the policemen who want to help despite their limited time and resources!
My students are NOT prime suspects, much to the surprise of several friends.
In fact, my students saved my spirits in the following weeks. I was moved by their generosity: flowers, balloons, cookies, small gifts, even a bat for protection!
Spokane pawn shops are interesting! Some are classy and professional. Others are scary and mighty suspicious.
After a burglary, you might realize new damages and missing items almost daily...for at least a month.
Looking for your stolen items at antique stores and pawn shops will eat up as many days as you let it!
Dealing with identity theft is quite possibly more frustrating--certainly more on-going--than the physical theft.
Attempting to sleep on the "safer" side of the house--on the floor behind the couch--might impact your mental acuity more than you'd expect.
The keychain-sized pepper spray is much too big for keychains. (But I will carry it anyway.)
When your husband says he'd "eventually" like to buy a gun, he might actually mean "this weekend."
My dislike for guns doesn't mean I can't shoot them well! I felt like a true Texan after proving my skill.
Home insurance is more valuable than I realized! I just hope I never need to use them again.
I can still earn a 4.0 on a final presentation the day after a burglary and a night of no sleep! But chances are that I won't remember anything about it when it's over.
I appreciate good news more lately. One week after the burglary, I learned that I am a finalist for the Rachel Royston Permanent Scholarship and it felt like I'd won the lottery.
Despite the evil out there, this town still has many wonderful people. I've been blessed and encouraged by many people in surprising ways since November 29. I wish I could find a way to show them how much their kindness means to me.

My mind is still pretty preoccupied with thoughts like these, but I'm a little less afraid each day. And I'm certainly learning a lot about safety, home security, and local police departments as a result. I'm also reminded each day that our memories and our loved ones are more valuable than any possessions. In a funny way, I guess I've actually gained a bit from this burglary!

"I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way..."

2011-11-28T21:30:00.001-08:00

Well, maybe I don't really want to stay that way, but when Jewel sings those words, I think maybe it's OK to be so sensitive. Sometimes it can wear me down, and sometimes I wonder why I can't just brush things off like others do, but sometimes I think that I should be grateful for being wired this way.

I should be grateful because being sensitive allows me to see so much!

I see hidden talents, and sometimes hidden hurts, that others can't see in themselves.

I see potential in progress, and moments of perfection in otherwise imperfect performances.

I see beauty in places that others find mundane.

I see blessings in challenges.

I see happiness in tears.

I see strength in scars.

I see art in all things.

Then why do I sometimes dream of changing?

People with these sensitivities tend to hide their true feelings, and that means we tend to feel alone in our vulnerability. But I know there are others out there, and I hope that maybe one or more of them will read this and be encouraged. Of course, many people with a thicker skin don't understand just how deep these feelings can run, so their sarcastic or one-sided remarks can sting a lot more than they intend. But I keep hoping that one day I'll spread a little compassion by sharing these ideas of mine. As a sarcastic person myself, I'm not objecting to sarcasm in all cases; I just wish that people knew when to respond with wit and when to respond with love.

Overall, I'm learning that I'm most worn down when stuck inside these feelings about myself, but when I consider all that I can see in--or do for--others...Well, I guess that makes me grateful that I'm sensitive, and I'd like to stay that way.

Jewel - "I'm Sensitive"

2011-11-28T21:28:00.000-08:00

Where I've been. And where I'm going. Maybe...

2011-09-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

When I took on my National Board Certification, I convinced myself that I was DONE with higher education. But true to the surprises of my recent years, I now find myself enrolled in the Masters in Secondary Education at Whitworth University. And my first assignment: an autobiography.

It seemed simple enough but after 4 hours of trying just one more "new angle," I finally decided that sleep was more important than proving my writing abilities through my own autobiography. Still, I figure that if I was willing to share my bio with people who barely knew me, I should at least be willing to post it on my own blog. So here's what you might (or might not) want to know about me!

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Whatever happened to predictability?” I loved the opening credits of Full House as a kid, and my family sang along every Friday night. Little did I know how that line would connect to my carefully laid life plans! While raising me and my two younger sisters in Moses Lake, my parents invested regularly in the lives of our small community; they volunteered in my elementary school, coached girls’ softball teams and church volleyball teams, and led our church’s children’s musical programs. Naturally, I grew up with a love of school, sports, music, and helping others. I trained and competed in a variety of sports, art forms, and scholarship programs, and I spent as much time as I could volunteering across town, working in the church nursery, and teaching English to English language learners.

It seemed natural that I would attend a college whose motto is “An education of mind and heart” and that I would study music education and English! It seemed natural that I would eventually marry a musician with a similar upbringing. But along the way, these natural assumptions have taken on new meaning to me.

In college, a non-academic experience radically altered my view of self and of performance: Whitworth Jubilation. Until then, dance had been my ultimate team sport! Joining Jubilation challenged me to express my faith as I danced, and expressing my faith has never been easy for me. In my small town and conservative Christian home, I had often found it hard to admit when I struggled with faith or with my spiritual walk, but in Jubilation, the music and the prayer time showed me that struggle is part of the human experience, and it gave me a way to explore my challenges and to celebrate my successes. I also began to teach dance classes and lead the student board. I learned a lot about my leadership style, my physical abilities, and my passion for dance and teaching.

In my junior year, I realized that my confidence was growing more in dance and in English education than it was in music education. The following year I became engaged. To my surprise, marrying a small town rock star keyboard player didn’t mesh well with my classical college training and so music slipped farther down my list of passions. While teaching dance and English, I found it was easier to arrange teaching strategies that reached my students, and easier to know if I’d been effective in my role as an educator. So I should not have been surprised that after I graduated, I was offered an English position at Shadle Park High School. I eagerly accepted the job, grateful to have a teaching position so fresh out of college.

My learning curve was steep, often working in my classroom until 8:00 or 9:00PM to finish grading the homework, designing the right activities, or calling students’ parents with concerns or compliments, and I often finished the odds and ends at home around midnight. Then I dragged myself out of bed at 5:00AM to assist with Shadle’s dance team. I told my friends, family, and husband that my schedule would improve as I became more skilled. Surely teaching wouldn’t always be so demanding!

Soon enough, I found my rewards! In 2005, I was offered the position of Shadle’s dance coach; in 2007, I was offered a class alongside our veteran senior Advanced Placement teacher, and that same school year I completed my National Board Certification. I felt honored that I was trusted to lead our dancers and AP students, and since only 37% of National Boards candidates certify on their first try, I felt as if I had finally earned my place among the more experienced, Masters-certified teachers in my department. I also began mentoring university education students during their student teaching practicum. I saw that by mentoring future teaches, I can have a greater impact on tomorrow's generation: instead of influencing only my students, I can impact the classes of all the teachers I mentor! I loved teaching about teaching! But again, these opportunities led to even more late nights.
A colleague finally convinced me garner classroom results by “teaching smarter, not harder” and so I now try to maximize my planning and teaching time whenever possible.

However, it seems that our ever-changing student population will take up as much time and compassion as I can give. I’ve realized that part of my calling in life is to love people with grace and patience that many of today’s students don’t otherwise experience, and to do that while “teaching smarter,” I have chosen to work with fewer students. Between 2008 and 2011, I downsized my dance team by 50%; in fall of 2009, I resigned one English class from my contract; in fall of 2010 I released another two classes. The decisions have been difficult, accompanied by mixed responses from my colleagues and a few stress-related health issues, but I am happy to now adjust my career goals to better support my students and my personal life. I believe I am more effective—as a teacher, a family member and a friend—when I have fewer students to care for.

Again, I am grateful that I have begun to reap rewards. Partly as a result of these changes, our dancers set two new school records at State in 2011, including a 5^th place ranking in the jazz category. Also in spring of 2011, my AP students scored higher on the AP exam than any of my previous classes, and they ranked above the national average in all seven evaluation categories! I’ve also been blessed with several adjunct classes at Whitworth in subjects that inspire me: Musical Theatre Dance, Jazz Dance, and Theatre Across the Curriculum. These classes have rejuvenated me, providing me with smaller class sizes, less nightly homework to grade, and no parent phone calls to make!

It might seem counterproductive to enroll in a Master’s program when I’m trying to reduce my quantity and enhance my quality of life but I don’t believe this will drain me; it will fill me with inspiration and energy! Perhaps this is the beginning of a new path, or perhaps it’s just a lovely detour that will deepen my passion for teaching me and equip me to teach smarter in the future. I have already seen my passions shift and change several times in the last 10 years and I look forward to seeing how they will grow as a result of this new academic challenge!

For All the World to See

2011-07-07T21:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, maybe that's a hyperbole. Maybe, just maybe, a few people on this planet won't actually see my latest blog entry. But the excitement-- and the vulnerability--is just as real no matter the size of my audience. The fact is that the whole world COULD see and apparently that's enough to dictate my posts!

I was surprised tonight when editing my list of entries...Apparently I have four pieces which I developed and saved but never published. Not to mention all the pieces that I began and deleted because they weren't actually worth working on!

This made me realize: blogging gives the writer such ownership! It's all my choice as to what makes it through to "publication" and this seems a more powerful motivating force than the "due dates" we have to impose on student papers. Obviously, to maintain order and proper sequencing of skills, classrooms need a calendar with formal due dates, but I wish more students could experience the ownership that comes from writing and posting something that they personally deem worthy of publication!

I imagine many students would be surprised at how much more inspired and refined their writing could become if they knew that all the world could see what they were creating! Actually, I imagine my nights of grading their papers would be a little more interesting too.

Welcome, friends

2011-06-14T22:42:00.000-07:00

Facebook has obviously modified what we consider "friends" in our world today. Maybe it's a good thing--reconnecting friends separated by time and distance, or allowing acquaintances to see beyond the typical passing hello's. Maybe it's a bad thing--causing some to seek out people to call their friends so they can increase their numbers, or possibly lowering the threshold of what's considered appropriate to share outside a circle of close friends. But as the graduating seniors of 2011 are now eligible to become my "friends" on Facebook, I find myself wondering about the increasingly ambiguous nature of friendship in our society.

Before Facebook and before becoming a teacher, these might have been my simple, uncomplicated definitions of a friend.

Friends look out for each other. 
Friends laugh together. 
Friends cry together, or stay strong when the other cries. 
Friends work past the difficult times together, even when they caused the problem. 
Friends rejoice when the other one succeeds! 
Friends overlook shortcomings and focus on the best in each other. 
Friends offer grace when it's needed. 
Friends encourage each other when everyone else gives up. 
Friends respect each other, even in their differences. 
Friends spend time together. 
Friends grow to understand each other. 
And friends pick up where they left off even after years apart.

And although I have shared those experiences with many of the lovely people on my Facebook friends list, what strikes me now is that I find these definitions fit my students better than most of my Facebook friends. Teaching is a peculiar profession. To give of yourself for the good of others while keeping that professional boundary--It's a draining but rewarding mission. And to be honest, I used to feel nervous and uneasy with the idea of lowering that boundary a little for the graduates who want to become more typical friends, but I'm now glad that Facebook is making that a comfortable option!As much as I adore my 25+ year old colleagues, my job doesn't give me nearly as much time with them as with my students.

So who do I spend each day laughing with? Sometimes crying with? Looking out for? Cheering for? I spend most of my days trying to encourage a bunch of 18 year olds who aren't technically my friends, but who require a similar level of commitment and care. And though not all of our experiences have been heart-warmingly positive, they have become more like my colleagues than my clients or patients. Their struggles become my struggles and their success becomes my success; if we don't work together, they won't reach their full potential and neither will I.

Each time summer rolls around, I'm hit with refreshing feelings of freedom and exhilaration mixed with confusing emotions that mirror the loss of a friend or colleague. The truth is I'm happy to see them move on (especially once senioritis hits!) but sad to see them leave. So even though Facebook has blurred the line of friendship in our society, I've decided that I'm glad! Because now I have the opportunity to see these graduates go on to even bigger successes in their lives! And even though I won't be spending every day with them from now on (We can still say "Yay!" to that, right?), I am glad that I can still cheer them on and I can still support them if then need it. And I am happy that I don't have to say a true goodbye to all the wonderful young men and women who have earned my respect and admiration throughout our very unique time together.

Chances are that most of my grads won't move past the relative distance of being a Facebook friend, but it's encouraging to know that these working relationships have been promoted to some form of friendship, even if only according to Facebook.

Who are you? Yes, YOU! Viewing this page???

2011-04-24T17:50:00.000-07:00

While playing around in the settings for this account I stumbled upon a page that shows me who has been viewing my page!

Now I realize that some of you professional bloggers might not be impressed by these stats but I sure am! I sort of thought my blog was just a way for me to keep up with friends and share my thoughts with them. But this says it's been viewed by lots of people! By people from Brazil, Russia, and the Netherlands!?! Just to note a few.

And now I'm curious to know who these people are--if they ever view my page again. So please leave a message after the beep...Well, you know what I mean! Please, leave a message. You have me intrigued!

Easter brings change...But change can bring good.

2011-04-24T16:56:00.000-07:00

"The whole earth trembled and the veil was torn:

Love so amazing, Love so amazing!"

~Jesus Messiah by Chris Tomlin

These lyrics would not leave my mind today. As long as they were sticking around, I thought perhaps I should try to understand them a bit better!

My analysis:

1) While the earth was trembling the people nearby were surely unaware of the resurrection causing it, and they were probably afraid. After several recent geological events ranging from earth-shattering to simple rumblings, I have seen that fear is the first response no matter how big or small the tremors. And I imagine that people did not respond to the Easter trembling by curiously proclaiming, "This is a fun feeling! Something happy must be happening here!"

2)When the veil was torn, again I imagine that the people were afraid, and although it symbolically represented a new covenant or relationship, it literally destroyed a religious veil that was previously valuable both monetarily and culturally.

3) The love that drove Jesus to the grave (for us) is the same Love that gave Him power to defeat death and rise again (for us). So full of grace. So incomprehensible.

My synthesis:

As our world is trembling and being torn apart, we should remember that His love is still here although presently unseen. And with His Love, He wants to revive us.

But...How do you REALLY know?

2011-02-16T21:17:00.000-08:00

I'm guessing (and hoping) that it's normal for people to fluctuate in their career confidence. But when all the fluctuating evens out, I'm still wondering...How do you really know if you took the right steps today, if you improved over your yesterday-self, or if you're even in the right career? Does any career give you objective enough feedback to know for sure?

After 8 years of constantly striving for self-improvement as a teacher I've come to the conclusions that I will always need to be better still, and that there will never be anyone who can actually help me feel accomplished. Administrators don't really "supervise" modern classrooms so they don't know if I'm succeeding or just skating by on any given day and students don't know what they don't yet know so they're not always able to identify what's missing or unnecessary in a classroom. Then again, as each year progresses, my students' skills improve and they gradually become aware of their own strengths and weaknesses. I also really try to listen to their needs and I hope this will improve their learning as well as my teaching. On the other hand, I can't rely solely on their evaluations of my teaching: they could be tainted by personality differences, by bias toward or against my subject area, or even by their emotional ups and downs that day. For this reason, I don't change my opinion of my colleagues when a student complains about them.

On yet another hand, I have to wonder...How is it that despite all that, I still believe students when they refer to other teachers as "awesome," "helpful," or their "favorite"? I've recently noticed that these awesome, helpful teachers extend a variety of teacher stereotypes--the quirky nerd, the compassionate counselor, the bulldog of a coach, the obstinate retiree. I've heard wonderful things about them all! It makes me proud to know I work with such amazing colleagues. But even though the logical side of my brain knows that's not the objective feedback I need, it's tough to be patient and confident while wondering if I ever have that same positive impact on my students.

And although I've run out of metaphorical hands, I still find myself asking how am I supposed to know the truth when my most consistent feedback is potentially subjective, biased, student opinion? Ha! I've just discovered the irony here. What I really want is a report card, an objective way to verify my successes and my shortcomings. I want to know when I'm passing and when I'm acing my job. I want facts, statistics, a supervisor or co-workers who can confirm my effectiveness and keep my confidence from fluctuating!

But for now, it's 10:45PM and I still have papers to grade before I can fall asleep. At least my students will receive their feedback soon. The irony continues.

Not a Creature was Blogging...

2011-01-08T13:43:00.000-08:00

I've laughed to myself a few times recently about how all the blogs I follow have taken a simultaneous hiatus...Apparently myself included. And I just thought I would break the silence and say "Happy New Year" and "Happy Blogging" to anyone who is considering rejoining the world of cyber scripting. I thoroughly enjoy hearing what you all have to say and I hope to hear more from you in the near future!

Two Readers

2010-11-04T09:11:00.000-07:00

Making work out of words--

Artist denied?

Of commas, conjunctions, connotations--

Contrived?

Trading fun in for form

Innate for refined?

Rather

Opening, growing, guiding the mind?

Devotion--Emotion--

Now talent…Now skill?

Poetry--in motion.

Pain. Passion. Love?

2010-11-01T23:25:00.000-07:00

It can be uncomfortable to have our eyes "opened" to certain subjects in life. It can be even more unpleasant to have them opened for a second or third time. Today was a great day for that, a painfully wonderful day, an emotionally and spiritually challenging day. Today I listened to stories of pain and passion around me and I felt my own eyes hold back tears. Again. I've felt this sympathy before, stemming from similar pains and passions in the lives of my students and my colleagues. But every time I hear their stories, I feel like I'm more aware than before, and more defeated.

And it leaves me wondering: Why do we often fail so miserably at loving people? We all know what it's like to feel undervalued, unnoticed, or unworthy. But why do we so rarely break the cycle? Even if we don't feel loved by others, we can still show them the love we know they need! Love is still a wonderful thing, even when it only goes in one direction.

Creating Yourself?

2010-10-18T21:29:00.001-07:00

Today I asked my students to reflect on the following quote. The response was more divided than I'd predicted it would be. So now I'm curious as to how other people see it! Anyone willing to share your thoughts?

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

~George Bernard Shaw

Beyond Human Capacity

2010-10-10T11:08:00.001-07:00

I shared these thoughts with our FCA students this week. I hope it inspires them, and I hope I can live up to my own ideals. I believe we are called to demonstrate a Love that is greater than our own human nature can supply.
***********************************************************************

One of my favorite quotes about being a Christian:
“As a Christian, the greatest influence you can have on those around you is…just not be a jerk.” (Sean Lumsden, Living Hope Church ☺)
*But then again, any non-Christian can also “not be a jerk.” So what would make me different?

God’s love v. man’s love
*Unless I pursue God and truly understand his love, I can only love out of my own human capacity. Since humans fail, my love will also inevitably fail. Sadly, sometimes my love will…be impatient, envious, proud, snippy, selfish, feel like giving up on someone, lose hope.
*What does 1 Cor 13:1-7 say about God’s love in the face of those failures?
If I speak in the tongue of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I
gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Pursuing God’s love
*The ultimate example: John 3:16-17

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,[a] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
*Less obvious examples:
- God loves us each day with faithfulness, hope, and mercy. Lamentations 3:22-23
- God expects us to Love our enemies. Matthew 5:43-48
- I believe this implies that He wants us to love everyone, even enemies, with "faithfulness, hope, and mercy."

Recognizing the opportunities we often miss
*When do I find my love failing? Is it possible that in those times I’m loving out of my own capacity and not seeking God’s love?
-When I feel frustrated…
-When with someone who’s seen as “less acceptable”…
-When I feel unworthy, like no one cares…
-When family members or friends have hurt me…
-When I feel rejected…
-When I want to be right…
-When I feel apathetic…
*Revisit 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Increasing our capacity for love
God demonstrated his perfect Love and calls us to share that Love, especially with those who haven’t felt it yet, but he expects us to reach beyond our own capacity so that we might fully exemplify the perfection of his gift. To increase our capacity for loving others, we must spend time pursuing God’s Love through his word. We must intentionally seek out his faithfulness, hope, and mercy so that we can consistently pour out that Love on others.

Moving beyond just “not be[ing] a jerk”
1 John 4:7-21 presents a full picture of loving those around us, but it can all be summed up in verses 7 and 8.
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Choice

2010-08-07T09:41:00.000-07:00

You've never felt what moves me
Or listened to me sing.
You still don't read my poetry
Or sigh when I can breathe.

You've never cared how deep

This fire burns in me:

Respond just when I plead;

Applaud just to appease.

Ignorance!
Don't claim naivety;
Don't deny me my reality
When you choose, refuse the real me.

Trying again...

2010-07-17T22:57:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been pondering old thoughts again. I'm assuming that at some point, everyone finds a quote or verse of some kind that just sticks with them throughout their life. For me, that quote has always been Galatians 5:22, the Fruits of the Spirit. It's all too easy to get caught up in the excitement, goals, fears, and drama of daily life, but when I remember to compare my daily endeavors to these fruits, life finally comes back into focus.

So tonight I've been praying that I can begin to live with "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control" again. I've re-decided that I need to evaluate any goals, choices, statements, or happiness according to that list. Is that goal based on patience? Is this word or choice based on love? And so on. It's just disheartening to know how easily I forget about these things...So here I go again, I'm reminding myself (and anyone else who wants to join me?) that it's not too late to change directions and pursue a spirit that will bring the love, joy, and peace we so desperately search for in daily life.

Birthday Wisdom

2010-07-15T14:11:00.000-07:00

"Age is just a reference for those who don't know the wisdom or the vitality of your spirit."

(That quote makes me feel like I'm already wiser, and I'm only 14 hours into my new age. Woo hoo!)

The Tear, An Allusion

2010-06-25T19:38:00.000-07:00

(Modeled loosely after one of my favorite classics. Does anyone know the original?)

Mark but this tear, and mark in this,
How great the fear of future is
When faced with what cannot be said:
A choice to stay or move ahead;
My cool, pale tear drips to my bed.

O still, two lives in one life spare,
Which might almost in efforts fare
To fight, or fly, for what we lack:
Escape these living walls of black;
Your warm, wan tear runs down my back.

In these cruel tears, now mingle our
Joys, hopes and fears: their final hour.
For future strong, for present weak,
'Tis true; we hear how false fears speak
Though our dark tears stream down my cheek.

My smartest quote ever! (Well, thus far!!)

2010-06-07T21:10:00.000-07:00

In my life, there are two constants: the Holy Bible and the MythBusters. And that's the world as I see it.

Rest

2010-06-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

As the forest fades into the trees,

Open yourself toward the sky.

Invite the clearing.

Name

2010-04-18T15:08:00.000-07:00

When I was there, that's who I was

but I moved on and climbed above.

Or so I thought 'til your return--

Took hold, refused to let me run.

It's not your place to choose, decide,

To call me by your Name, not Mine--

To make me feel two inches tall is all

You did when I was small--

Now with you here, grows only fear

Of How can I continue where

I'm strong and free and on my own

When you refuse to let me go?

Yet Unaware

2010-04-09T17:21:00.000-07:00

If they knew how this heart bled with theirs,

Would they see our pain's the same?

If they saw the sweat and heard the tears,

Would they see I'm torn down too?

Or would these...weaknesses...confirm

I am as flawed as they've assumed?

How

2010-04-09T17:12:00.000-07:00

I know how to seek for knowledge.

I've found how to search for strength.

I've learned how to ask forgiveness.

But how do I start to forget?

Wanted: Musicians, Poets, Artists

2010-01-27T19:41:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I am SO inspired by my job! Just when I think I should call it quits, my kids pull through for me and remind me of all there is to love in literature and in working with such amazing students. Today, during our poetry lesson several classes asked if I really think that poets put all the effort into their poetry that we try to squeeze out of them. I based my answers on my own creation of music, poetry, and choreography.

In both classes, my explanation was something to this effect:

I think poetry is often a combination of natural talent and skillful writing. At the most basic level, poets are poets because they instinctively associate words in ways the rest of us don't; words naturally flow from them with sophistication and beauty. But I also believe that when a great poet encounters a glitch in his writing process, he knows how to draw from his skill and training; he knows how to use his head to compensate when the words from his heart are insufficient. It's the same with musicians, choreographers, painters. No matter the balance between an artist's talent and skill, it is important that we (the readers) know how to analyze his work intelligently and thoroughly. Especially if we ever hope to communicate our analysis with other readers, we must equip ourselves with a variety of analysis tools and common terminology.

From my own (obviously biased) opinion, I believe these ideas give great purpose to what teachers do in literature classes, even though year after year, new students contend "did the poet really mean to use all those euphemisms?" Still, today's discussions reminded me that I am blessed to have students who are willing to ask that question! I am blessed to work with thoughtful, passionate students who challenge me and who need to understand the intentions of our writers. And I am hopeful that one day they will learn to appreciate the "mind and heart" (Thanks, Whitworth!) behind this thing we call poetry.

So, to my artistic friends and family, I now want to understand your creative process. What inspires you? What brings the words/notes/colors to your fingertips? How do you balance your natural talent with your intellect?

I’m ready for tattoo number two. Maybe…

2009-12-31T18:14:00.000-08:00

Just three hours ago, I got my first tattoo! A symbolic image of a dancer and a cross blended together. Actually, I’m surprised at how much of a jerk the tattoo artist was about my so-called “abstract” design. And if I weren’t so determined to have it done today, I probably would have taken my “anatomically impossible” design to someone who was more open-minded…But that hasn’t dissuaded me from planning out my second tat!

My next idea is inspired by the organization called “To Write Love on her Arms.” Like my first tattoo (Yay!), this one will also be a blended image: a cross with the word “love” scrolling down the center beam. I love the symbolism of my new design. I love that it references TWOLA organization and the victims my heart goes out to. And I love that the word “love” can mean so much more than just caring for others in need. A quick Internet search showed these common connotations of the word “love”: adoration, brotherly love, compassion, deep appreciation, infatuation, puppy love, romantic love, and unconditional love.

I thought about the various types and how each might be represented in my new tattoo and I came to the conclusion that my design doesn't really focus on the types of love but the quality of love. And I believe the following can improve the quality of just about any type!

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I pondered this list for a while and determined that I couldn’t describe love's goals any better on my own. So that’s where I’ll stop. Now whether my newest design ends up on a tattoo or just a painting in my kitchen, I'm excited that I've found a way to visually represent these ideas about the quality of Love! (Oh and if anyone forgot, that description is from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV. Who knew that the depth of my love, and of my tattoo design, would both come from the Bible?!)

"'Tis the Season" (Yes, 'tis still!)

2009-12-27T22:11:00.000-08:00

I’ve recently decided that this is one of my favorite holiday phrases: it provides the cliché ambiguity I need to communicate a variety of ideas and that same ambiguity allows the recipients of the phrase to interpret my ideas however they see fit.

After someone (No names, please!) has eaten too many pieces of mint fudge, “’tis the season” acknowledges the humor of gorging ourselves on holiday treats. After an act of kindness to a hurting stranger, “’tis the season” serves as a word of encouragement.

But I often find myself trapped behind my favorite holiday phrase: in my attempt to be politically correct, I allow people to interpret “’tis the season” as they wish, not as I fully intend. I wish I could emphasize to everyone that “the season” is really THE season. I wish I could use it to declare the Love of the CHRISTmas season!

Sure, the winter holidays each have their advantages (Thanksgiving turkey and potatoes, Christmas fudge and Rudolph, New Year’s resolutions made to be broken), but that’s not what the season means to me! I also want to respect the other religious beliefs, and even the humor about Chrismahanukwanzakah, but I’m saddened by the social-political pressure to hide my holiday beliefs so as not to offend others. Christmas shouldn’t offend people: it’s about love and acceptance! To me, the “season” is Christmas: the remembrance of the physical manifestation of God’s Love for us. It is the season when everyone should remember-- or learn-- that as humans, we all need the forgiveness and Love only offered by God and his Son.

I don’t want my phrase to imply “I’ll have another piece of fudge if you will” or “I’m happy to help with your holiday needs.” All I want to say is “This is the season that makes the other seasons worth living. This is the season when Christ changed history by changing the future of mankind. This is the Christmas season and it is THE season.”

i KNEW it!

2009-11-11T00:02:00.000-08:00

Curvy women may be a clever bet
Women with curvy figures are likely to be brighter than waif-like counterparts and may well produce more intelligent offspring, a US study suggests. (Posted by our friends at the BBC: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7090300.stm) Researchers studied 16,000 women and girls and found the more voluptuous performed better on cognitive tests - as did their children.

The bigger the difference between a woman's waist and hips the better.
Researchers writing in Evolution and Human Behaviour speculated this was to do with fatty acids found on the hips.
In this area, the fat is likely to be the much touted Omega-3, which could improve the woman's own mental abilities as well as those of her child during pregnancy.
Men respond to the double enticement of both an intelligent partner and an intelligent child, the researchers at the Universities of Pittsburgh and California said.
The findings appear to be borne out in the educational attainments of at least one of the UK's most famous curvaceous women, Nigella Lawson, who graduated from Oxford.
But experts are not convinced by the findings.
"On the fatty deposits being related to intelligence front, it's very hard to detangle that from other factors, such as social class, for instance, or diet," said Martin Tovee of Newcastle University.
"And much as we logically like the idea that men are interested in the waist to hip ratio, it actually features relatively low down the list of feature males look for in a potential partner."

********************************************************************************************
My thoughts? But of course...
1) Does this mean our British friends will now appreciate the vivacious shapes more prominent in the good ol' USA? Maybe just wishful thinking.2) Do you suppose any of those 16,000 participants were truly happy after hearing the results? The "waifs" just found out their brains are second-rate and the smart ones just found out they were in this study because their back sides were too big to be in the skinny crowd.
3) I LOVE the claim that "men respond to the double enticement" of a smart partner and smart offspring. But I'm pretty sure that Sir Mix A Lot would claim something else as the double enticement! And I'm more likely to agree with him. That makes me think this research is actually from some skinny, second-rate thinkers. :)
Well, I'd love to share more opinions but I must prepare for my next lesson: brownies are calling me! And I plan to be especially brilliant tomorrow!

Out of Context? Or Out of Line?

2009-10-23T16:30:00.000-07:00

Despite some very insightful discussions with my seniors and a rather productive choreography session with my dance team officers, my day also produced some very unusual and alarming statements. How did this happen to me all in one day?

1. A text message with choreography notes from one of my officers: "The first part of the song is at 0:36 but that has making love to something innocent so we'll have to edit."

2. After apparently observing my facial expressions for several days, an officer said, "You always stick your tongue out when you get excited. You do it when you're teaching too." Her re-enactments followed. Seriously???

3. After teasing about my tongue/facial expressions and how I sometimes say :P when texting, that same student joked, "Mrs. Hein, why do you keep licking me?"

4. When trying to recall a new dance move, one of my choreographers asked, "We stepped on the waitress, right?"

5. A joke told by a senior at the start of class: "Why couldn't the ghost have babies? Because he had Hollow Weenies." Another student's response: "He had more than one?"

6. While concentrating, a student began making swishy noises with her mouth. For some reason, I told her, "You sound like a LISTERINE® commercial."

7. While telling of a prank he played on a girl at lunch, a student nervously proclaimed, "I didn't know if I should smack that." (Get on the floor...Smack that...Just for you, M/J/K/J!)

8. When my captain realized she'd said something the same way I would have, she announced, "You know, Mrs. Hein, you and I are really twins. Only with a 20 or 40 year difference." Wow, thanks!

9. That same captain later said, "You know what I always want to call you, Hein? 'Heineken.' But since you won't tell us your age, there's a chance you might be underage and wouldn't know that's an alcohol." Yeah, because the other option is that I'm still 18?

And the winner is...

10. A complete misuse of the homophone "but/butt" following my mini-lesson on appropriate use of commas and conjunctions! A student returned from lunch and recorded the following on the whiteboard: "I want to purchase this butt... said by Mrs. Hein at 10:45AM." Then he acted surprised to see it there and asked, "Whose butt do you want to buy?"

You know, in the last few years I've learned to enjoy a more relaxed classroom atmosphere with my students. But this is not what I had in mind! Man, am I glad it's Friday!

Taking one for the team!

2009-10-05T21:09:00.000-07:00

I've already admitted my own impatience but there is a time and a place, people! On my way back from Bellevue this weekend, signs started directing cars to prepare for the upcoming construction by merging into a single lane. About a mile after people started merging, I became frustrated that the second lane was still open and people were still zipping past those who were respecting the merge. After at least 2 dozen cheaters blazed by, my co-pilot gave me a brilliant suggestion: we could take one for the team.

So taking advantage of my new dominance as a BadAss SUV driver, I pulled my bright red Equinox in front of the cheaters and slowed back down to 10 mph. The Honda next to me nodded and kept a space open for my return as I drove the next mile in front of all the would-be speeders! I laughed aloud as one by one the speedsters zipped up to me then resigned themselves back to the slow lane. Only once did a selfish little sports car have the nerve to pass me on the shoulder; everyone else was forced to suffer their own impatience with the rest of us.

The moral of my story: controlling the impatience of others is apparently entertaining enough to settle my own need for speed. Oh, and protecting the integrity of the merge makes me feel like I've somewhat compensated for polluting our environment with my new SUV.

Mode: Repeat

2009-09-28T20:12:00.000-07:00

I've been informed that most "normal" people don't listen to the same song on repeat for days BUT since I'm clearly "normal" in every other way, I'll admit this unusual little quirk. My musical obsessions usually take one of two forms: "some'in' you can dance to" (Missy quote, case in point) or emotional undertow. Since the former provides less fodder for discussion (and makes me sound less smart), I'll request suggestions for the latter.

My emotive repeats usually have a billowing melody line and gentle but pulling rhythm, highly connotative lyrics, and vivid images. (And no, that's not due to my degrees. I'm pretty sure these preferences caused my interest in teaching music/English.) Their content varies though. Some are encouraging, others are melancholy, and several are quite spiritual. They don't necessarily have to parallel my current situations; they just have to pull me in.

Some of my recent repeats:

Wrapped in Your Arms, Fireflight

C.S. Lewis Song, Brooke Fraser

Deciphering Me, Brooke Fraser

Closing In, Imogen

The Moment I Said It, Imogen

Beautiful Disaster, Kelly

See His Love, Kim Walker

And I'm only partially sorry for listing these. I never tire of them.

Perfect, Alanis

Never is a Promise, Fiona

Name, Goo Goo Dolls

Don't Speak, No Doubt

That's my initial list. What am I still missing?

Why am I so petrified of silence? (Yep, that's an Alanis quote.)

2009-08-30T13:26:00.000-07:00

When I wrote my first (and otherwise only) blog, I stated that I did not intend to be a real blogger, and so far I have been true to my word. Thus the name of my humble page: The Silence between the Notes. I hope you’ve enjoyed my silence but here comes another note.

Lately, I’ve really been pondering our society’s struggle with silence and absence and patience. For example, several friends have teased me about the absence of my blogs. But why is a long absence such a bad thing? Does silence, absence, or patience decrease our quality of life in some way? Why are we so impatient with such silly things in life?

I want to enjoy the silence around me and to become more patient and yet I still…

Stop the microwave with 1 second left because I just can’t wait any longer.
Start my DVR-ed programs 15 minutes late just so that I can fast forward through commercials.
Grunt when my computer can’t keep up with how fast I want to type.
Anxiously stare at my cell phone as if it will speed up that return text or voice message.
Talk on the speakerphone while driving so that I don’t let driving time go to waste.

What are we trying to gain through our false sense of productivity these days? Is it possible that we’re losing more than we’re gaining? Shouldn’t I appreciate all that technology allows me to accomplish instead of complaining that it slows me down? Shouldn’t the anticipation of that returned phone call be an exciting thing, not a stressful one?

My sister, Kasey, says that our frantic rush for productivity is largely about control. I find it ironic that we’re only controlling “things,” not actual situations. I’ve fast forwarded the commercial but I still won’t get to bed before 11 because that’s when the show ends. We’ve communicated with twice as many people via text, phone, and computer but chances are that we haven’t added anything to the quality of our lives through those communications. As with this post, for example, I have written all these words but have produced no more answers than if I were still just sitting here thinking--in silence.

Questions from a beginning blogger

2009-07-27T11:40:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying (and since this is my blog, I guess you can’t stop me…) that I did not, and sort of still don’t, plan to actually consider myself a blogger. I really only signed up for an account so I could comment on friends’ blogs. But then Megan suggested I post something, and I thought this was fitting.

Questions from a beginning blogger

1) Who ever decided that every goober with a keypad (Me included, I suppose.) should be able to share their thoughts with a blog?

2) Why are people so fascinated with reading other peoples’ thoughts on myspace/facebook/blogs despite the fact that they rarely, if ever, actually COMMENT on them? What good is it to know what your friends are thinking if you never do anything with it, folks? Communication should go both ways!

3) And most importantly: Why do bloggers think it’s OK to stretch a quick little anecdote into a 12-page autobiography? Is there some minimum word count that I’m yet unaware of? Am I going to be marked down if this post is too short???